An open letter to my blog on my second Blogaversary, for my readers. An explanation of where I’ve been and a few words of encouragement:
My Dearest Blog,
Happy Blogaversary. I’m sorry that I’ve been out of touch. Life’s been much lately, though; always keeping me on my toes. It’s your typical 20-something dilemma— balancing the impossible venn diagram of all the facets of life.
From finishing up with school, running a club on campus, and maintaining some semblance of a social life, to searching for a new job for months and finally landing one, and then getting acclimated to that: it’s all been overwhelming and completely hectic… but absolutely worth it.
It was all starting to somehow begin to work itself out (I thought I had finally hit my stride), when all of a sudden, the results of the US Election hit. I was in shock. It hasn’t been an easy reality to face, and in fact I still doubt if it’s real at all sometimes. As a woman of color and first/second generation citizen, my heart is broken. I have maybe 3 or 4 offences against me, but many of my friends and even family have more. I’ve heard so many people say within these past few days, “I embody everything they hate,” and it’s been incredibly disheartening. So much hate, where is the love? It is 2016, we’re supposed to have flying cars and vacations to Mars, not a dying planet whose inhabitants are still trying to learn to coexist with one another.
I’m incredibly frustrated and distraught, angry and sad, and somewhere between wanting to fight and cry. I think one of the worst parts is that some people refuse to empathize; to understand the very valid fear myself and others have. The fear that we might wake up tomorrow and have our freedoms and even people we love taken away from us. Our family members might not come home to us and faces we pass could never show up to school again. For that, they call us crybabies and tell us to shut up. What a privilege it must be to sleep well at night, knowing that you couldn’t possibly be the target of the next hate crime. Some of us don’t have that luxury.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately, “What am I going to say when someone comes up to me and tells me to go back to where I came from?” I’m already anticipating it; I have no doubt that it’s coming. I’ve already seen evidence of it happening to others like me. And even worse, I wonder what I will do if it’s more than just words. I live in one of the most conservative areas in California. My neighbors have plenty of guns. I wonder if they will treat us differently this year when we come to deliver the banana bread that we bring them every holiday season.
These are the anxieties that have plagued my heart lately. Politics aside, there is brokenness that needs healing. I try my best to be that light and speak up to and for others, but it’s incredibly draining. All of it has taken such an emotional toll on me.
And through the midst of it all, I’ve neglected you. I wasn’t planning on it; I just haven’t had the time to sit down and take more than a moment or two for myself, let alone produce and edit the quality content that you deserve… and I’m sorry. But something inside me has changed.
In light of everything that has happened recently, it’s been hard for me to just “jump back into it.” I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to sit here and just talk about products like there isn’t a revolution about to happen before our very eyes. That being said, I’ve always said this is a beauty and more blog and I designed it with the very purpose to document (ie: “chronicle”) life as I know it.
Right now, life and my perspective on it has shifted. Beauty and design will forever hold a special place in my heart. It is creatively and lovingly a part of who I am. But I am also a fighter, and I have a voice and platform that I’m choosing to use for something more than just lipstick (although lipstick is one of my top 10 most favorite things in the world).
I hope you understand, and I hope you continue to grow and evolve on this journey with me as I figure it all out. I promise the beauty content will still be here, it just won’t be the only thing anymore. As much as I love makeup and skincare and using them as tools of self-love, I also just as passionately hold feminism and activism dear to my heart. It is a part of my truth and this is something that I need to do, not just for myself but for others who don’t have a voice.
It’s going to be a messy path, and I don’t expect it to be easy and harmonious right away, but I promise I’ll do what I can with what I’ve got for now. So maybe that means posts will be erratic and infrequent (nothing’s changed, ha), and vlogs might go on the backburner for now, but know that I’m not giving up on you anytime soon.
Things change, life goes on, whether we’re ready or not. I’m by no means ready but I’m working with what I have and that’s all I can offer for now. You know, I’ve always been one of those people who overcommit, stretch themselves to their limits because they see it as a challenge, and has trouble saying “no.” I’m learning that life is about the give and take and you can’t have balance if you’re trying to commit yourself 100% to everything. It just doesn’t add up.
I’m sorry that 2016 has been a shitshow and I couldn’t offer you more. Now that it’s my second year in the game (Happy 2nd Blogaversary!), I’m hoping I can give you more in 2017.
Someday, our world will know peace and I hope that we see it soon. Until then, I will fight for it so that the generations that come after me can sit here on their own blogs and talk about lipstick and the latest palette and the newest in skincare, knowing that they will never have to fear hatred and bigotry for simply being themselves.
Until then, I wish everyone all the love in the world. Please know that even though there is so much uncertainty ahead, I will be here for you and many others stand in solidarity alongside you. The times are trying, but we have strength in love. Love will always trump hate. I know the world feels hostile, and that it’s hard to believe in something that you don’t feel is there, but I promise that it is and I hope the light reaches you soon. Keep your chins up, and continue to persevere because our power lies within not letting them defeat you. Our power will overcome, because our power is in love. Love, love, love, love, love is all we need.
All my love,